All MPs have their share of loonies. Margaret Beckett had one who complained that he was having troubles from the waves. ‘What waves ?’ she asked innocently. He was shocked at her ignorance, ‘The waves from the television set of course. They are entering my head and turning my brains to jelly’ Margaret was up to the challenge, ‘Have you tried Wellington Boots ?’ Her constituent was puzzled, ‘No, I haven’t.’, ‘Well,’ she helpfully explained, “It’s an established scientific fact that if you wear Wellington boots while watching the television, the waves cannot reach you”. As a trained scientist Margaret speaks with convincing authority. She has never seen the, no-doubt satisfied, constituent again. Gareth Wardell had a splendid solution for the many complaints for which no power in heaven or earth can help. After exhausting all the usual channels he sends the details to Buckingham Palace with a note, ‘Your Majesty, I would like you to exercise your Royal Prerogative in ensuring that Mrs Jones’ gate is repaired / Mr Williams perpetual motion machine is patented / that Mr Davies’s dustbin is emptied twice a week.’ Six months later an answer comes back from the palace explaining that Her Majesty has carefully considered the matter and reluctantly decided that this is not a matter on which she feels able to exercise her Royal Prerogative. Gareth earns the devotion of his flock. He did not succeed. But he took the complaint to the very top.