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Privileged treatment

I have just moved to a smaller flat in London and I am trying to fix up television and broadband connections. Dead easy?

After protracted tedious meanders through their labyrinthine telephone systems, I was informed by both Sky and Virgin that it would all be simpler if I had a BT telephone line. I have managed without a landline in my previous flat for many years. But, O.K. Could I have the BT line of the previous flat owner reconnected?  Simple surely. It seems to be going well until I gave genial ‘John’ my home telephone number. I presumed for a credit check. No. My call had to be dealt with by a specialist team. Why?  Then I had 15 minutes of Mozart and John came back to explain that the reason he could not deal with the call is that I am an MP.

We are above his grade. “There is a special team to deal with you and they appear to be away from their desks” I put the phone on speaker phone got on with other work. Another 25 minutes of Mozart. Still nothing. This is the first I had heard of a specialist team to deal with MPs calls. Why? To give us privileged treatment, perhaps?

John came back and said he decided that he would do the job himself as there was no one there. All seemed to be going well until, he tried to give me an account number. The system rejected it because mine is a ‘Government managed account'. More Mozart. Another anonymous voice who said I should speak to Sarah. Alas Sarah was not there. This saga started at 3.59 and finished with no progress 47 minutes later.

Aren’t you glad you are not an MP?